no such thing as tomorrow

freeing the mind by becoming mindful of our limitations

it’s been a hectic week (decade).

running a household alone while attending grad-school, freelance coding, fitness, writing, etc.

trying not to think about how creative i’d have to be to in order to squeeze in a relationship at this point.

feeling suffocated.

i notice it in others around me lately too.

it’s made me wonder why with more freedom than ever, i actually feel smaller than ever.

this led me to explore how i spent my time and energy; finally taking a stab at curing my crippling procrastination— a task i decided to work on in my sessions with an art therapist.

working with her i’ve been using sketching and drawing to get over the resistance prefacing next-steps in all major areas of my life.

the messy art of making mistakes and being able to undo them while finding flow has led me back to experience, Being, and mindfulness— which has helped me melt away learned helplessness; creating room for my genuine desires and pursuits.

limitations

via social conditioning in our childhood, we all unconsciously pick up inherent beliefs about the world, and our place in it; including perception of how much control one has over the future, beliefs about money, relationships, love, etc.

these are limitations.

when we realize how much control we have over our lives it can be overwhelming.

with great power comes great responsibility, right?

what are we to do? let’s hear from Marianne Willamson.

shine our light

my friend Cher recently celebrated her birthday party and gave a heartwarming speech in which she quoted Marianne Williamson:

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
― Marianne Williamson, A Return to Love: Reflections on the Principles of "A Course in Miracles"

“powerful beyond measure”

“shrinking”

“liberated from our own fear”

all themes orbiting around these limitations & learned helplessness.

the truth is i have the time. i have the energy.

i just need to sit down & give myself to it (as presented in this morning’s reading of the Tao Te Ching):

it’s a harsh truth, but the first step in awareness is giving our full attention to the problem. zooming in. zooming out. feeling the solution rather than thinking of it.

this is cultivating our intuition rather than our cognitive memory (while practicing mindfulness).

mindfulness? again?

while studying my procrastination, it has led me to distant horizons concerning the human nervous system and hypnosis (thanks to my professor Ian Wickramasekera) which has me finding the solution to be mindfulness (duhh!).

this certainly has me doubling down on my efforts understanding what Being actually feels like.

David Foster Wallace’s This is Water is pertinent here as we can’t see that we are in “water” of our own social conditioning. it may take time to fully see the limitations around oneself.

in order to melt it away, we must shine light on all thoughts, feelings, and emotions that arise when faced with the discomfort of a limitation.

by doing it scared.

giving it our full attention, the problem actually becomes a friend, protector, or deep lesson.

i have found myself falling back to this adage by Allan Watts for guidance:

The future is a concept, it doesn’t exist. There is no such thing as tomorrow. There never will be, because time is always now. That’s one of the things we discover when we stop talking to ourselves and stop thinking. We find there is only present, only an eternal now.

for me i know if i don’t do it now, i won’t get to it. hence, procrastination.

summary

most our limitations are in our heads.

find limitations by facing discomfort.

when we approach them we must meet them exactly where they are before we see their falsehood.

and do it today, because tomorrow doesn’t exist.

anyways, there’s what i have for now.

Austen

PS: in an effort to divert my perfectionism i’m now embracing the “short(?) & sweet & messy” post format :)

what kinds of problems, limitations, or creative pursuits can you give yourself to & get lost in this week?