this week i lied. i lied to a dear friend. a white lie nonetheless, but it was not truth.
then i shared that lie. with another. they noted the lie. i felt guilt.
later i attempted to steal. just a drink. paying for a fountain drink but wanting a more expensive canned drink. could it hurt their bottom line? look. excuses.
i also shared that event with another, being met with “do i know you?”.
do i know you?
it makes me wonder if i know me.
i feel like i do. i knew i was lying, i knew i was stealing.
so then why did i not stop?
to me, white lies and price discrepancies are small ways of navigating a complex world. a world where most times small disparities are negligible.
“what’s the difference?”
everything
there’s a favorite quote of mine by Annie Dillard, shared to me a few years ago by my friend Nils Peterson:
How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives. - Annie Dillard
on a micro scale, this can be reduced to another prevalent axiom:
How we do anything, is how we do everything. - Unknown
these two maxims point to the same moon.
the small is the large. now is forever.
if i’m willing to lie in small scenarios, how are others to know my line between a “white” lie and “real” lie?
if i’m willing to steal in minor cases, how are others to know my line between a “minor” case or “major” case?
to me, this IS cause for concern.
maybe i don’t know me.
congruence
congruence is when we act how we feel; when what is inside is congruent with what is outside.
if the question “what’s the difference?” holds water, couldn’t i then reverse-uno it back unto itself?
why not tell the truth? why not revisit the register for a better drink? what’s the diff?
this all comes down to awareness of knowing the truth, knowing how we actually feel.
this is our true sense of Self.
bringing this inner Self to the world is therefore genuine authenticity.
know thyself
with increased awareness of my way of being, although not air tight, comes a horrendous front row seat to my social inclinations.
these impulses leap to clear the gap of connection by being overly-friendly or overly-talkative.
they show up in my exaggeration of stories, talking about others who aren’t present, and occasionally a fake chuckle at a distasteful joke to save the teller from a well-deserved silence.
here too offers wisdom. maybe not speaking is an option as well.
plus, i’m tired of talking all the time.
size matters
my work is now bringing my inner Self to light, giving it room to breathe, to face discomfort of truth, even if it means the story won’t be as impressive without a sly exaggeration. to hold my tongue, and speak only when it adds value or clarity.
because the small things matter. the white lies are still lies.
when we lie, we shield others from their own truth.
when we lie, we shield ourselves from our own truth.
we save face just to not be seen.
therefore i implore: how can we be more congruent?