discovering the Wild Self

how i’m using mythology and Gestalt psychotherapy as tools towards inner peace

i’d like to start by asking a simple and open-ended question: what are we doing?

what are we doing here, on earth?

what are we doing here, on a rock hurling through space, bathed in natural resources?

in this post i’d like to propose one of many assumed answers to this question using mythology and the world of Gestalt psychotherapy by suggesting that self-actualization is what we are doing here. discovering our Wild Self.

i’ll be outlining the importance of frustration in the healing & actualizing process, propose an unorthodox solution (involving theft!), and end with a mindset to encourage Wild behavior.

actualizing the Wild Self

but first, what is actualization?

according to the father of Gestalt therapy, Fritz Perls, who was inspired by Gestalt psychologist Kurt Goldstein’s notion of self-actualization, “The only appropriate goal is the realization of one’s true nature.” (Smith, p. 36)

we are here to realize our true nature.

when one decides to embark on the journey of self-actualization, of uncovering and expressing one’s true nature fully, it can be an overwhelming, frustrating, and confusing path.

this path is one towards our inner Wild Self, our inner nature, our complete wholeness.

fortunately for us, many brilliant authors, philosophers, and psychologists of time’s past have imparted a trail of breadcrumbs to which we may now string together to form a bearing towards the Wild Self.

frustration & impasse

discovering our true nature is no easy feat, a road filled with twists and turns which doesn’t happen overnight. while steady progress is made forward, the motion tends to be expansion and contraction. rhythmic. oscillating. three steps forward, two steps back.

even Perls suggested the growth process “requires time and a powerful personal commitment.” (Smith p. 11)

one of the key ideas Perls contributed to the world of therapeutic practice was the concept of the “impasse”, that frustration was a primary ingredient in the recipe for insight. without it, no true insight could be reached.

i found this necessary in my decision to quit my software career at the zenith of my professional development in January earlier this year. i had reached an impasse: i couldn’t successfully (or healthily) continue as a full-time software engineer and full-time student of counseling.

as hard as i wrangled and orchestrated myself together (a tactic which had gotten me that far), i couldn’t fit both into my life. my mental and physical health were suffering greatly. i felt the need to make change, but i stuck to my typical vices to numb the pull. it was frustrating to think of letting go of my identity and salary which i’d grown so accustomed to.

but, after a particularly intense medicine journey, i realized it would be okay. that the path would open. a void would be created in which my full commitment to counseling would then fill. i felt relief, leaning into my trust and faith in the universe to provide. an insight born of frustration. an impasse.

stealing the key

in the fable of Iron John (described while reading a mythological perspective of the masculine energetic crisis by Robert Bly with the same title), there is the notion of “stealing the key from under your mother’s pillow”.

the key resembles freedom of the Wild Self from a cage, and the pillow represents the expectations a mother (and father) put on their child. until one relieves their mind of parental inhibitions, there is no chance at setting oneself free, to actualize. (Bly, p. 12)

this coincides with writing from Perls, whose principle mechanism for proper psychotherapy requires “one to take personal responsibility for one’s own existence”. Smith drives this home by saying, “Psychotherapy, then, means assisting the patient to face that which he tries to avoid.” (p. 18)

as self-healers, we must face that which we avoid. a great counselor is one who appears cruel, making us search closets in our mind we don’t want to.

unfortunately, we don’t naturally want to steal the key. it’s scary. it means we must defy that which has given us life. but in order to prevent avoiding being a child for the rest of our life, we must break the structures we know in order to venture out as a new organism. essentially, we must evolve by discovering for ourself what this world has in store for us by taking responsibility for our path.

going back to my example of quitting my software career, this became apparent when the world and those closest to me seemed to be shouting, “NO! DON’T QUIT! WHAT ABOUT HAVING HEALTHCARE?” it was deafeningly loud.

i knew inside that it was the right decision to quit, but the audacity to leave a plump salary and go without health insurance for the foreseeable future convinced me it was a crime to depart.

by relieving myself of the expectations of those around me, i was able to tune into what the current moment called for (here & now!), and take responsibility for my happiness (or lack thereof). i’ve done nothing but thank my lucky stars since i left, forever grateful that i listened to what i needed (despite my now swiftly depleting savings).

to steal the key means to no longer point outwards and blame, but to take ownership of one’s story by using empowering words such as “I”.

• I believe this is wrong.

• I feel like i’m not understood.

• I am okay.

Paula Bottome Ph.D., summarizes this switch of language well:

“I know when I say “I”, that I am awake. I feel solid and substantial, willing to stand up and be counted as one of the creators and participants rather than an observer for whom events happen to […]”. (Bottome, p. 105)

flowing with the river

finally, a more endearing part of the journey towards self-actualization for was the analogy of flowing with the River, Life, the Tao.

as Perls put it, “man transcends himself only through his true nature”. (Smith, p. 33)

this means to surrender to being as one really is, seeing themselves as an organism in the ecosystem, a part of the whole rather than separate from nature.

we are the ones who make “happenings” in life good or bad. our preferences enhance Maya (illusion) between what is actually happening in the flow of life versus how we see it. when this happens:

• a breakup becomes “a bad thing” while the universe prepares a new lover for us.

• being terminated reflects our unworthiness instead of freeing us to contribute meaningfully.

• grasping for attention shifts us into chasing vapid crowds rather than attracting those aligned with our art.

this builds resilience as you learn to recover from adversity, which is an important pillar of well-being. (Barstow, p. 254)

for me, this year has been a major lesson in flowing with the River as i’ve navigated a job switch, health crisis, romantic relationships, completing the 200+ mile JMT, moving, replacing my vehicle, and starting my second year of grad school.

i’ve found how energetically exhausting it is to constantly bend reality to my liking. now, i simply act from a place of authenticity (“hey, i like you!”), and let go of the result, whether or not it benefits me (“i don’t like you back”, “i like you too!”).

i see now that expression is the leading form of self-love. finding my voice amidst the rushing waters around me; learning to anchor like a stone in the wet flurry, shaping my corners to round with the curves of the happenings.

conclusion

there doesn’t seem to be a concrete answer to self-actualization, because we are not stationary beings. we are more like math functions, with inputs and outputs; processes in motion in a sea of random information. how we assimilate can only be guided, like banks containing a river.

Laura Perls, who was the renowned bridge between Gestalt psychology and Gestalt psychotherapy, spoke on this in-concreteness, stating that “The people who did [Gestalt therapy] well, they were really artists.” rather than scientists prescribing methodologies. (Serlin, I. A. and Shane, P., p. 381)

based on my own personal experience, i’ve outlined simple expectations for your journey, hopefully showing you the normality of frustration in the process, giving you permission to step outside the mold, and loosening your grip so that you flow easier with life.

i hope you can take away the importance of being your own locus of affirmation, answering only to your own intuition when called upon in life, and taking steps towards your Wildest Self.

References

Smith, Edward. (1976).  The Roots of Gestalt Therapy (pp. 3 – 36).  In Smith, Edward (Ed.) The Growing Edge of Gestalt Therapy.  NY: Gestalt Journal Press.

Serlin, I. A. and Shane, P. (1999). Laura Perls and gestalt therapy: Her life and values (pp. 374-383). In D. Moss (Ed.), Humanistic and transpersonal psychology: A historical and biographical sourcebook. London: Greenwood Press.

Bottome, P. (1976). A gestalt way of using language (pp. 104 – 111). In Downing, J. (Ed.) Gestalt Awareness: Papers from the San Francisco Gestalt Institute. NY: Harper and Row.

Barstow, Cedar (2005). Ethics (pp. 251-264). In Right Use of Power: The heart of ethics. Boulder, CO: Many Realms Publishing.